Thursday, August 3RD, 2:15 PM
Park River, MN
Evan held the steering wheel steady. He glanced over at Freddy. “I figured you’d know.”
“Well, yeah, dude.” Freddy ran his fingertips along the duct tape sealing the shattered dashboard, feeling over the bumps and lows. “Obviously something got you heavily upset to punch your Ram Girl.”
“I’ll order a new dash, but not right now.” Though passing Heidi’s street, Evan ignored his inclination to glance that way and kept his bearing heading straight, toward Freddy’s house. But it was of no use. Memories of that moment pushed through. He had scrambled up alert. Worried. She felt betrayed. Clothes thrown. I hate you!
“So, why didn’t you want Oz and Randal coming with?”
“I need to talk to you, just you.”
“We were at your garage. You could have waited until they left. This must be pretty serious.”
“Yeah.” Evan nodded and tried to concentrate only on driving.
Freddy preoccupied himself with looking out the window or checking things on his phone ever so often.
More of those memories refused to stop. He had yanked on his shirt and shorts without delay. And then his pleading words, again and again. I love you Heidi, no matter what you do or say.
I’m not listening. Get out! She wrapped that blanket around her, leaned over the dresser, and moaned a little.
Heidi. Are you all right? Did I hurt you?
Angry glare. Don’t worry. It’s only cramps. And here I thought you were being all forceful and passionate with me because you wanted me. But wow, was I wrong.
Evan squeezed his hands tighter around the steering wheel. The memory finally disintegrated.
A few more minutes passed, and they arrived in Freddy’s driveway. Evan parked near the garage. He looked at Freddy. “No one home right now?”
Freddy glanced at his phone. “Correct. My mom won’t be home until around five. We got the place to ourselves.”
Evan thought a moment. “Can we go to your music shed?”
“Really? Well, yeah.” Freddy opened the Ram’s door. “You really got me wondering now.” He jumped out.
Making sure to take his keys, Evan stepped out too.
They walked the several yards or so of the short concrete pathway, until stepping upon the lawn. Evan focused his eyes on the shed as they walked toward it. “Definitely like how you scraped off all that old green paint. I like the natural wood siding look.”
“Well, I just couldn’t let it stay like that and keep using it.”
Freddy stepped ahead. He took hold of the old, creaky doorknob, turning it, opening the door. They both walked inside. Freddy closed the door behind them.
Evan stepped over to the small table on the right side of the room. He sat down on the farthest end, so he could face toward the door. Freddy sat across from him.
“So, what’s up, dude?”
Evan sighed. “This is hard to say.”
“With Heidi?”
“Yeah, man.”
Freddy smiled briefly. “Kind of figured. You finally get to be with the girl of your dreams, who most any other guy in our grade would die to be with, and you’ve got problems?”
“Well, it’s…how can I explain.” Evan kept his voice low. “We went too far, and, uh…some other things happened too.”
Freddy rested his forearms on the table and leaned closer. “What do you mean? What else happened?” The good friend he has always been, Freddy made sure to keep his voice low too, though it was rather doubtful any of his neighbors were close; no sign of anyone outside before they entered the shed.
“I couldn’t control myself. I just couldn’t.”
“Wait a minute. Did you, like, rape her?”
“No, nothing like that.” Evan stared down at the table. “This whole school year, those memories, visions, had mostly been forgotten. But these last weeks, a month even…I don’t know. They took over me.” He focused on the smooth, light-colored pine table. Her words reverberated through his mind. Who is this girl, this Sirah? He pressed and slid his fingertips upon it, until practically sending splinters into his skin. Heat was rising within him, yet this had to be told. “We were just making out. But, one thing led to another.” He stared into Freddy’s eyes. “I just lost it, went after her, with…with extreme passion.”
“With extreme passion. Sort of does sound like an almost rape. Is she all right? Did she call the cops?”
“She, well…she didn’t seem to mind, at first, and I didn’t too. I definitely didn’t. But…but then she did, later.”
“Dude, what’s going on. You really couldn’t control yourself? And what about our beliefs, our Christian beliefs. Did they all just vanish?”
Evan sighed again. “Look. I know I messed up. And no, she didn’t tell the cops, last that I know.”
“Hey. Not trying to come down hard on you. But, last that you know? Dude. Is she not seeing you anymore?”
“Haven’t seen her for a week now. Or got any answers to my texts or calls. I think…I think it might be over for us, unless I can fix this.”
“Damn, Evan, I hope not. Did you injure her?”
“No, no, I don’t think so. I asked her afterwards and she said she was all right. I told her, and texted her I still love her, quite a few times, and said many times I was sorry I had lost control. But she hasn’t texted back.”
“What about protection? You know, is she on the pill, or did you use a condom?”
Evan removed his hands from the table and clasped them together on his lap, underneath the table, jabbing several fingernails of one hand into the palm of the other. “No. I didn’t use one. And I don’t think she was using birth control, at least not that I’m aware of.”
“Damn, Evan. Yikes.”
“I know. But, really, the whole event was more about what I had said, than what I had done.”
“What do you mean, what did you say?”
“It’s my B-day, dude, in three days. I’ll be eighteen.”
“Yeah, man, I know. We just talked about that at practice. Why are you skirting the question?”
“My dad can’t stop me. And I want you to come with me.”
Freddy got his disappointed mug. “Evan, dude. What’s going on?”
“Look. I need to find out about her. I need to know more about her, so I can put this to rest, and confront my fears, too. And I want you to come with me.”
Freddy leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Wait a minute. I think I know what’s going on. Had it forgotten, under control, but no longer under control. And you said something wrong to Heidi.” He leaned forward. “Did you call her--”
“Syrrah. Yes. As always, my friend, you impress me. She was fine with what I was doing, until I called her that. This is going to sound bizarre, but I was only seeing Syrrah…the entire time, I was going at Heidi.”
“Really. And days prior?”
“Yes, off and on.”
“Like a slight hallucination or something?”
“Yes, sort of. But I’m fine otherwise. And I didn’t see her in any of those videos we just watched, or in any other women.”
“Just Heidi.”
“Right. Weird, as it is.”
“I hate to say this, but isn’t this just like what your dad went through, after your mom died?”
“Yup. You are correct again. Believe me, I’ve thought about that too. It’s not exactly the same, but quite similar. Like father, like son.” Evan shrugged. “Probably genetics or something.”
“Yeah, could be. But you’re right, certainly not exactly the same. So. Okay. I get this. You need to convince yourself that she existed, was a real person, and now is gone. So you can get her out of your head forever.”
“Yes. Exactly, Fred, exactly.” Evan sighed and looked down at the table. Great. More memories again. Though he had told Heidi that Syrrah was from his past, and she was gone now, deceased, didn’t matter. Heidi still had those unforgiving, angry eyes. Evan. You need to get out. Now. “For years, I didn’t think about her. You know, like I told you, because I could have sworn I heard her tell me that if I helped her, she would--”
“Show you someone both dead and alive at the same time. Sure. I remember.”
“I blocked Syrrah out. Never wanted to think about her again. And since I didn’t hear that voice again, I figured was just my mind playing tricks on me. But, since in a relationship with Heidi, these past three months, I started thinking about her again. And these new thoughts haven’t gone away, and of course only got worse.”
Freddy held out his fist across the table. “Deal. Hell yeah I’ll go with you.”
Evan fist bumped him back. “Thanks, man. Knew I could depend on you.” He clasped both his hands together on the table, his arms more relaxed now.
“But Heidi. You want to take her too?”
“No. Definitely not. I’m sure she would not like that at all.”
“Maybe to help explain what happened?”
“I’ll let her know, eventually, about this trip, but I got to get this straight, bro. I got to clear my mind, once and for all, so this never happens to Heidi, or, if we break up, with any other girl again…though, really, I hope it will be Heidi.”
“Yeah, so why this is even more important than ever. You have money for the trip?”
“Of course. You know, saved up working at Bob’s and teaching those classes for Mark. But, like I said, the Ram’s dash will have to wait.”
“Sure, dude. I get it. You telling your mom and dad?”
“Well, I can’t tell them about Heidi.”
“Obviously.”
“Yeah. At least, not now. But I am going to have to tell them we need to find out about Syrrah. I at least owe them that.”
“Agree. What about your birthday? I’m assuming that’s trashed.”
“Umm, yeah. Couldn’t tell Oz and Randal. It’s this Sunday. Might have a small get together with the family, and you. Can probably invite the guys, but it won’t be for long. I simply cannot concentrate on it. Just want to get things together, so we can leave early the next day.”
“Again, I agree. You need to solve this for yourself, and ASAP.”
Freddy couldn’t be more correct. And Monday couldn’t come soon enough.